Anne Van de Water
I was given the gift of yoga classes with Anne Van de Water for my birthday 8 years ago. We first met at her magical home in Santa Barbara just a few months after I had my preventive double mastectomy. I was a relatively new mother and in dire need of some guidance in learning to love and use my body after giving birth and invasive surgery. That gift became one that keeps giving. That day was the beginning of a deeply supportive and dear friendship. I have also had the opportunity to work and play with Anne in many different capacities. She is a powerful and wise life coach, loyal friend and incredible travel sidekick. One of the threads that continues to bind not only our working relationship, but also our friendship, is a shared love of the truth. Anne and I are both straight shooters and have continued to support each other in showing up in the world in a manner that lines up with our values and beliefs. Having this Last Cut Conversation was deeply meaningful for me. Our dialogue touched upon many interesting aspects of relationship and offered a beautiful marker in time for our friendship and lives. I am so grateful for this woman and excited to share the latest Last Cut Conversation.
Before we launch into our conversation, why don’t you take a moment to introduce yourself?
Anne: “My work in the world, my offering in the world, my service in the world is what I call True Self Mastery. It is about creating a life where you are always deeply connected to your truest, deepest, highest, most authentic self. I work with visionaries, leaders, teachers, healers, and artists; people who are totally heart-centered and here to make a positive contribution on the planet. I help these amazing people to raise their vibration in all ways in their life so they embody whatever they are teaching, so that their thoughts, their words, their deeds, their relationships with people, places and things on all levels, planes and dimensions of reality match their mission and their values and their message and their vision. They become the living embodiment of their vision, and their mere presence activates positive transformation in the world.
I take them through a process that I call the Vibration Transformation process, helping them to transform their vibration, their energy in all ways, so that they know who they are and why they are here. I work one on one with people as well as in group settings. I have trainings, retreats, and online programs. My first book is almost finished. The vision is then to transform this work into a program for children, because I have a huge background in bringing yoga into the schools. I feel that we have so many remarkable beings on the planet right now and more that are coming, and there are not structures in mainstream society that help these amazing light beings and light workers stay connected to their mission. So I am here to help a lot of different people all over the planet to stay connected to what is most important in their life. "
One follow up question on that because I know some listeners/readers may have a more practical view of how these things work. I know what you do is very practical, as I have worked with you. Tell us though what are some practical ways that you help people make these energetic transformations for people who may not think this way or be familiar with your work.
"Yes, so one of my big offerings is called Vision, Courage, Action. Most people have some vision, but we also all have blocks, things that block us from staying deeply connected to that vision. I have a huge background for about 25 years and 25,000 hours of teaching yoga, and the core of yoga is about staying deeply connected to your truest, deepest and highest self and having everything in your life be of service to that. Yet because of all of the stuff that we all go through, the daily challenges, the big life challenges, the stresses, the tensions, the heavy energies, that everybody is dealing with, day to day, internally and externally, our connection to our truest, deepest self can get blocked. So yoga is called the dance of destruction and it is about clearing, cleansing, releasing and letting go of those heavy energies so that you feel that major connection to your spiritual essence and that requires daily practice. One of my mentors, Bo Eason, says what separates the amateur from the pros is their relationship to practice.
So my work with manifesting one’s vision and staying in alignment with themselves is rooted in deep, daily self-love and self-care, radical self-love and self-care, because I do not feel that it is even possible to bring our offerings out into the world or to truly have healthy relationships with other people, places and things if our primary relationship, which is with ourselves, is not nurtured and taken care of on a daily basis. So in addition to helping people get really clear about what the vision is, there is daily work of eating high vibe nutrition, moving your body with whatever kind of exercise is best for you, doing breath work to clear, cleanse and let go of stress and tension and keep your energy levels high, meditating (taking time to go inward and keep that deep connection with your essence and yourself), doing physical cleansing, whether it is drinking water or getting in a sauna or doing dry brushing, and then doing emotional cleansing.
The next part of what I do is the courage part with people, because once you have a vision, then you hit all the stuff inside yourself. The voices saying, “You can’t do it,” or someone else saying, “You cannot do it,” or “I messed up 10,000 times before in the past. What is different this time?” So there is a whole alchemical process that you have to go through with your own emotional body to clear out all of the glommy emotion that is preventing you from manifesting your vision. Of course, rest, relaxation and sleeping [are key] so that you feel super charged and are then able to take action. My work is about taking action, because we all can have a dream. We all can have a fantasy. We can all have these amazing ideas of what is possible in the world, but if you don’t do the daily work of clearing out the fear and the heavy energy and the sadness and the regrets and the shame and the bleh that we all go through, then you are not going to take action. You are just going to want to sit on your ass and keep dreaming. So my work is very practical about taking action, making plans, sitting down and writing it down. What am I going to do today? What am I going to do this week? What am I going to do this month? Then [you have to take action in] doing it, showing up and doing it. That is where the rubber hits the road. My work is really about being a bridge, being a channel between those high spiritual ideals, alchemizing it within you, then embodying it, taking action and manifesting it."
Thank you. I think that creates a visual for people who have not done this type of work or maybe they have but they use different language than you do. The way you just described it is more relatable.
"It is 100% for everyone at their level, the level that is right for them, to go through that process. It is totally accessible. And when I speak of leaders, teachers, visionaries, healers and artists, everyone is [all of these things]. So I am not talking about some exclusive group of people. I feel everybody who has come to this planet came with a purpose and so it is possible for everyone. The thing that creates a separation or a difference is the people that take action and the people that don’t take action. And it is not only taking action, but it is the consistency. It is the showing up day after day after day after day. That is what makes people extraordinary. Extra ordinary."
That is what makes the professional athletes and the leaders and not only the ones who are publicly recognized that way but are generating change. I am grateful for all that you do.
"You are my avatar."
The timing of this conversation feels perfect. I know where I want to go with Last Cut and I am at the place in this process where the voices and the fears are coming up. Do you really have what it takes to write a book? Do you think your voice matters? Do you have what it takes? Are you worthy of all of this? I know I am. I know the answers, but you have to work through them, hear them out and put them to rest to get to the next step of actually bringing what you want to create to fruition. So this feels like the perfect day for me to be having this conversation as I am committing so fully to bringing this project into the world. I believe in it so deeply and want to be the holder of not only my own voice, but also other people’s, which is why I am sharing these conversations.
"The thing that I feel is common for all of us, but is often times not spoken of in the forefront of the journey of manifesting your gifts in the world, is that when you stay deeply connected to your vision and you stay deeply connected to your essence and to your muse and to that higher state of inspiration, it is very alkaline energy. The light quotient of it is super high. The more you stay connected to it, the more it flows through your thinking and your emotions and literally through your cellular tissue. It is constantly going to show all the places inside where you are not on board, or where your lineage is not on board, or where your society is not on board. You have to continuously face that stuff, but the great thing about it is that that is what we came here to do. Science has proven it. We came from the stars. We came from the cosmos. Science has proved that we are light filling up space. So we have this amazing capacity as light workers to transform and transmute the heavy energy, not only for ourselves, but for our family, our entire lineage, seven generations before and seven generations to come, and for all people, places and things, and it can be really friggin’ gnarly sometimes, because not everyone in the collective remembers who they are and why they are here. It can be really challenging to be on a planet where not everybody remembers and then to feel, “I do remember and I need to keep working for the collective.” The great thing is that is actually what we have come here to do. Even the act of breathing, when we breathe out, we are breathing out carbon dioxide, the heavy energy and that is what our planet needs. It is what Mother Earth needs. It is how she gets her mojo to survive and then, in return, she gives us food. She gives us oxygen. She gives us life force energy and so we end up in this amazing reciprocal relationship. That daily practice and process of dealing with the stresses, tensions and acidity and heavy energy becomes this incredible dance that we are doing with all of existence so that we can all, not only survive, but we can thrive."
As I am listening to you, I am thinking that what you are saying is ultimately either the most basic or the ultimate way of looking at last cuts. It is constant. We can all pick one that is significant because we have them in our lives, but really it is the breath out. It is all of it. It is what we do to continue to live this way. In focusing on living how we want to live, it is the constant choice of this or that. I am taking in this and sending this back out because it doesn’t serve me. It is not one thing. It is not my surgery. It is not a divorce. Those things may easily be viewed by others, but it is the constant process [that matters]. I think this is what the project is about as well. It is getting on board with living in a way that is an ongoing evaluation of whether or not what you are doing is getting you closer to living your vision. If it isn’t, get rid of it.
"Yes, essentially every single moment is a last cut. And every single moment is the vision. My aim for myself personally and everybody that I am here to serve is to bring that into moment-by-moment consciousness. That is why doing things like breath work, being conscious of the fact that right now, this is a last cut as I breathe out. This is a brand new moment to embody my essence in a deeper way than ever before. The more we practice that on a moment-by-moment basis, the more we calibrate our consciousness to that way of living. Then when the bigger last cuts come and the bigger leaps come, you are already encoded and already are embodying that way of living and can go through those transformations and transitions with more ease and more grace. It is happening on every single plane and dimension all the time. That is what yoga is also about. Shiva, the Lord of yoga, is the destroyer. Then there is Ram and Vishnu and they are preservers. Then there is Brahma, who is the creator. None of it ever ends. That is the other thing that happens a lot. People think, “That was it. I made this Last Cut. I lined things up and it is a done deal.” No, it is never going to end. It is never ending. It is this incredible dance of destroying and preserving and recreating and dying and rebirth in every single moment. That is the dance. That is the truth."
And having an awareness to our attachment to those moments and our attachment to the coming and going of anything in our lives, whether it is people, places, things, money, possessions, a job, love, hate. All of it. Because these things are happening constantly if we hold onto to any one of these moments and hold a grudge or attach ourselves to whatever might have happened, you are missing whatever might be happening in the present moment. You are staying in the past and staying in a place that is no longer relevant for the current moment. Or it is holding you back. You said it so beautifully. If you become too attached to any one thing, it just becomes another place that you need to make a last cut.
"That is a huge part of the dance too. We are these spiritual beings. We are these light workers. We did come from the cosmos and from the stars, but we live on a planet. We live in the 3-D. We are human beings. We have bodies. We have thoughts. We have emotions. We have relationships. So if there is a total override of our humanity, we miss out on the very thing we came here to play with. And if we become too attached to being in this 3-D, human experience, then we miss out on the freedom and liberation and expansion and our connection to these higher energies. So that is a constant dance as well, maintaining that balance, the yoga, the yoking of being a human with a spirit, being of the sky and being of the earth, the internal and the external. That’s what is kind of fun about it and really challenging about it. We are constantly fumbling, stumbling, flying, soaring, figuring this stuff out and hopefully continuously learning and evolving and refining, always refining, until that moment when we blip into unity with all existence again. That place where we just feel connected and in the flow and not that feeling of separation and opposites but we can see how they meld and they connect and work with each other."
Beautiful and challenging.
Lisa: I love the part about it never ending. I felt like that today when I was filing my nails. I was thinking to myself, “Didn’t I just do this?” It is the same with mopping the floor. We are never done, but in that the realization that we are constantly growing. I had a moment [of noting] the Meta of that. I am constantly dividing and regenerating new cells. There is that relief sometimes and attachment to being done. “Oh, I filed my nails. I am done.”
Lisa: "Right, but sometimes the “for today” gets lost and I want to just be done. It gets lost, in the overwhelm perhaps."
"Yes, and that is one of the reasons that there is chaos in the world. When there are so many people who do not keep their hands on the steering wheel and who say, “Wait, I just clipped my nails and now I am done.” Their nails grow out and get dirty. We have to be the captain of our own ship. We have to be responsible and not expect someone else to do it for you. I am responsible and able to respond to the trash, my nails and that daily devotion. That is where I see us all doing it and where things are powerful. That is when things are working and flowing, that realization that it is never going to end. I am just going to keep showing up and doing all the chop wood and carry water stuff. And, yes, sometimes we want to just go sit and hope someone else will take care of it!"
The piece in the middle is that so much of what we are talking about requires taking responsibility within ourselves. That goes without saying. There is also an element too that notes the piece where we ask for help, where we find the community and the friends who support the way that you are choosing to live and the action that you are taking. For example, because it is an easy one to illustrate, if you are deciding you are not going to drink anymore and all your friends are insisting you go to the bar, it is probably going to be very challenging. So I think lining all of that up and having the right people in place when you get to those moments of feeling up against a wall who have your vision in their heart for you, they help you keep going. As much as this is work we have to do within and alone, we cannot do it alone. It is two sides of the same coin. You need to focus within, but you cannot focus so much on what you are trying to do that you block out the people who support you in getting there.
"Yes, I know so many entrepreneurs, visionaries, authors, people who are doing amazing work in the world, but they’ll say, “I have a book deadline. It’s three months from now. So until then I am not hanging out with my friends and my family. I am going to eat pizza every day. I am going to stop moving my body. I am going to stop doing my stuff, because I am in service to this thing.” And then it is like, “Who cares?” You wrote the book but you feel like crap now. Or you have people who become so incredibly isolated and believe they have to do it by themselves so much so that they lose connection. But if we don’t have connection, really, who cares?
I am facilitating one of my Self-Love weeks coming up and made a meme this morning with a picture of me with a bunch of wild dolphins from when I was swimming with wild dolphins. It says, “Join our love pod.” I was writing all about how sometimes we do feel as if we are all by ourselves and wonder if there is anybody who cares about the stuff that I care about. If you don’t have your pod, your little dolphin pod of people who are devoted to the same things that you are, it is really challenging. We have all heard that quote, “We are the five people that we spend the most time with.” In Buddhism, they talk about our Satsang and, going back to Last Cut and our truths, the word “Sat” means “truth.” In yoga, we say that is what we are all hardwired for. First and foremost we are all truth. If we don’t stay connected to the truth of who we are and to our authentic self, then we can end up getting super lost in this world. There is this word, Satsang. Sanga means your community. You need to be in a community of other people who are devoted to authenticity, that are devoted to truth, that are devoted to self-love and self-care, that are devoted to being of service in the world.
That, I would say, is one of the most challenging parts of the whole entire adventure is staying deeply rooted and connected inside of yourself so that you keep your vibration at that level of truth, love and whatever else it is you may value, while recognizing and remembering there are lots of people on the planet who feel the same way and knowing that as you maintain your vibration, you will attract those people. Simultaneously one of the saddest parts of staying connected to truth is that there are people who have been in your life who don’t share that or you thought they shared it or you projected onto them that they shared that same value. They may even share the value but they don’t show up that way. They don’t act that way. That is the whole next level of clearing, cleansing and letting go and doing it in a loving way; doing it in a way that you love yourself enough to recognize that for example, if you are trying not to drink, “I am not capable right now of being around people who are going to bars and partying. It doesn’t mean that’s wrong. I am not strong enough right now. My will is not strong enough. Right now I need to surround myself with people who have the same vision so that I can gather up my willpower and strength.” I feel that that is one of the most challenging parts.
If you think about a tree or anything growing in nature, your roots system is your vision. It is your mission. It is your purpose. It is your values. It is the way that you love and care for yourself. But, as you begin to grow and expand out in the world, if you are in relationship with people, places and things who don’t share those same values, then what it can do is it can stunt your growth. It can stunt your own evolution and it can make you feel as if you are in an eddy and kind of stuck. Whereas if you are in right relationship in choosing to be with people and in environments that are nurturing and growing, then you can continue to expand personally and support them in the same way. Then when two or more are gathered, magic happens. Then you start to create this vibration that can go out into the world and be of service. It gives you mojo and support to bring your personal gifts out into the world. That process never ends, which is why it is so incredibly important to have this conversation and to really find out what makes you tick. What are you all about? What does truth actually mean to you? What does health mean to you? What does love mean to you? What does commitment mean to you? And then you find, “Well, that’s cool. I love you and I support you, but I am not going to do business with you. I am not going to marry you. You are not going to be my best friend, because we are not on the same page.” In doing so, in creating that last cut for yourself, you free your energy up to be in right relationship with someone who does and you give freedom to that other person so they can be in relationship with someone who is simpatico with their values."
We both use the word truth a lot. As showed up in our conversation with Talila, there are many views of the meaning of truth. What is most true to you? What do you believe in most that keeps you living the way you do, which requires a lot of letting go of things that you may love, but that are not necessarily a match?
"So the thing that is most true to me is truth and love and love for the truth. The ultimate truth for me is love, which means we are all connected, we are all in this together. I have universal love for each and every individual on this planet, because it is such a miracle that any of us are here. The chance of getting into this life is close to nothing. I remember my conception. The mantra of my conception is “I am the one. I am the only one.” The sperm does not penetrate the egg without that level of focus and dedication to going for it. And, as an egg, my mantra was “Only the best.” So “only the best” means what is true, what is right, on all levels. “I am the One” means I know who I am and I know why I am here. “Only the best” means when I make my decisions and my choices in my life, the best means right relationship. It means full presence and commitment. It is doing what you need to do to be ready and connected to who you are and why are you here. When both parties do that and show up that way, you know it is real. So for me, truth is individual. That’s why these conversations are important. You know what is true and you back it up with action so that it actually manifests. For me, truth is something that is extremely obscure unless you talk about it and you ask exactly what that is and what commitment are we making and how are we going to show up; to not only talk about it, but to embody it and to make it happen. You have to have these talks in order to figure that stuff out. First you have to have that talk with yourself on a daily basis. Then you have to talk with others."
Yes, those conversations are key. I feel in my own way too as if the purpose of my life has become very clear. Last Cut has become an opportunity for me to highlight the point you just made. What are the questions I need to be asking myself to live a more true, consistent, connected, loving life for me and how do I take that out into the world?
"I am a life coach. When I did all of my trainings and certification, the root and base foundation of those studies was asking powerful questions. It is not being a psychic and telling people what is going to happen in their future. It is not telling people who they are and why they are here and what is most important to them or even telling them what to do. It is asking them powerful questions. Who are you? What is right for you? What resonates with you? We need to be constantly asking ourselves those powerful questions and constantly asking each other those powerful questions. It has become a real indicator for me when I am in the presence of people who become uncomfortable around those straight up, no chaser powerful questions. For me, I have learned that I will have a challenging time being in deep, intimate relationship with people who cannot have the conversation we are having right now, because it is depleting for me. That is a whole other level of self-love and self-care. Is this loving for myself? Is this nurturing for myself? IS this dynamic? Is this passionate? Does this turn me on? Do I love this? Does it light me up? Does it evoke the deepest states of bliss inside of me when I am in the presence of somebody who doesn’t want to connect like this? The answer for me is “no.” It is not good for me and, yet we have to be in the presence of people like that all the time. So we all have to work together.
So for me, I have discovered that, in my most intimate relationships, I need what we are having right now, and I would rather have three relationships like that than hundreds and hundreds that are more on a surface level. My soul is here this time around to go as deep as I possibly can and as high as I possibly can. Being able to have these stripped down, lay it down, put your heart on your sleeve, tell it like it is, no BS, cut through the crap conversations is what I live for. It is like food to me. I am eating this conversation and being nourished by it."
The alternative does the opposite in our bodies. It has the negative effect internally. Most people have some recognition of the experience of when you stay in bed with those who aren’t communicating in the way that works for you; it breaks you down and creates disease, illness, anxiety, depression, etc.
"I like to think of all people, places and things in this way. If it were food, would I eat it? If it were a lover, would I want to make love with it? Essentially, energetically, that is what is constantly happening all the time. We are all made up of energy and are constantly intermingling and swapping energy all the time. I would say that I am at an all time high of fine-tuning and refining this aspect of myself. If I put energy into my mouth that I am trying to digest and I don’t like the taste of and it makes me feel like crap and I know it is not good for me, [I need to] just spit it out. Abraham Hicks, these wonderful wise ones, say that life is like a giant buffet. There are so many different kinds of energy. So when you cruise through the buffet you get to try it all. If you try something that you don’t like, don’t keep eating it, because it will give you indigestion and eventually it will rot inside of you and give you disease, physically, emotionally and spiritually. And, when you cruise around the buffet, you are going to find things that make you say, “Wow. This is delicious!” So ingest that!"
"The other thing that is my leading edge right now is not trying to get apples from an orange tree, not trying to get something from a person, place or thing that they are either not capable of giving or that they don’t want to give or that they just simply aren’t. I realized how much of my precious life force energy I have wasted on this, because I see the best in people. Those are my latest last cuts. I have experienced more liberation and true happiness in the last three and a half, four, weeks of my life, consistently where I am in that realm of feeling I am aligned, the realm of my essence, my thoughts, my words, my actions, more than I have in a long time because I hit this place with myself where I realized, “Good god. This part of me that is such a champion for the human spirit and sees the best and the potential will project that onto somebody. I want to keep projecting that, but then I actually want to be present with the way people actually show up, not even their wish for themselves or what I see. I see people’s essence. I am a champion for people’ s highest potential. But if I base my involvement on that dream, rather than on the reality, then I end up wasting a lot of my precious mojo.
So I have been doing a lot of [regrouping] to meet people, places or things in reality. In my prayers and my meditation, I will continue to connect with them as their highest, truest, deepest self, but as far as making physical, tangible, 3-D, in the world decisions, I am going to base it on reality. I feel as if I have reached a tipping point. The amount of relief I feel is amazing. I feel as if I am more in right relationship with myself and with all of reality than I have ever before in my life. Then there is nothing to be disappointed in other than, for a second, “Oh damn. That didn’t work out the way that I fantasized it, but I am going to line up with what is.” Then there is deep nourishment and nurturing that comes from what actually is, because I am actually getting apples from an apple tree and oranges from an orange tree. And, I am setting those people, places and things free to be as they truly are. The greatest gift I can possibly give anybody is to actually accept them as they are rather than wish they were something else."
Here is the information that I have about someone else or about how I am personally showing up in any situation. To expect change or demand change unless we are shown by action is naïve.
"Yes, that is the yoga; your thoughts, your words, your deeds all line up. Like today, all three of our thoughts, our words, and our deeds were a match. We made a plan. We wrote that shit down. We worked on it every day. I have thought a lot about this. Then we made it happen. It is so basic, but I know I have in the past made things a lot more complicated. We keep trying to get matches in energy and devotion and love and commitment from places where it is not naturally happening. For me, in order to make a relationship happen, there has to be two individuals who come together each with their 100%. We have all come together today with our 100% and that is why there is a dynamic energy field being generated because we are all 100%. I have had this tendency in the past, that if someone shows up with 50%, I bring 150% to make up for the lack of what they are bringing and I end up getting depleted and exhausted. I end up getting pissed at them. When, if I had actually paid attention and seen that I was trying to get apples from an orange tree, I would not have flowed all my energy like that in the first place, and wouldn’t ultimately have to end up forgiving myself.
When people ask me what I think is the ultimate healing tip, I tell them about Ho’oponopono, which was created amongst the Kahunas in Hawaii for peacekeeping amongst people. That is basically everything that we are talking about; peacekeeping with ourselves and with all people, places and things. I think it is super juicy that we are talking about relationship, because in our world right now, lack of relationship, lack of connection, lack of this conversation is why so many people are having a really rough time. In the beginning, it was a sperm and an egg that got us here. So anytime we are not feeling that connection, that unity and that co-creation, we feel disconnected. We were literally attached to an umbilical cord. We grew inside our mothers. So we need that deep, deep connection and a lot of times when we are trying to get that connection from a place where we are not going to get it, we end up depleted and pissed off at the other person. We are trying to get stuff from places where we are not going to get it.
So Ho’oponopono is coming back to this place of universal love, humility, forgiveness and gratitude. The way that I have worked with it in my life, with people I have had trouble with, is by saying, “I have universal love for you or I am trying to have universal love for you. I know that having universal love is how we can have peace on the planet. I know that there has been some stuff that has gone down between us and I am sorry. I take personal responsibility for my part in that, which might have been trying to get apples from an orange tree. Sorry I projected that onto you. Please forgive me for my part in this. I forgive myself for my part in this and set myself free. I am going to set you free too. Even if I am a bit miffed, I know it is the best thing for me and for you. I am grateful for this opportunity to evolve as a human being and as a spiritual being because we had this snafu.” Ultimately, time and time again, and it has happened recently, I do this with myself, “Anne, I love you. I am so sorry that I did it again. I was trying to get apples from an orange tree. I projected something onto that person that wasn’t real. I am sorry I didn’t pay attention. I am sorry that I can be so deeply in love with someone’s potential that I will put on my rose colored glasses and not actually see what’s real and what’s being presented. Some of that was unconscious. Some of that is a collective patterning. Some of that comes from my lineage. Some of that comes from society. Wherever that came from, I am sorry and I am going to forgive myself. Today is a new day. Right now is a new breath, a new moment for me to commit more deeply than ever to the truth. I am so excited and I am so grateful that I was just given another opportunity to grow, evolve and learn and be the very best me that I can be.”
All of these last cuts come back to knowing that I am going to do my very best to love myself and care for myself and live in alignment with my highest potential. That adventure is not going to end in this lifetime. How cool that life is going to keep giving me opportunities and relationships and situations where I get to apply everything that I have ever learned? I get to keep tapping into myself as a visionary so that, all the crap that has gone down, I get to transform and transmute it and it is compost. It is helping me to evolve and grow and I get to keep connecting with the spiritual light that is helping me evolve."
Is it worth it?
What is the most challenging part of living this way? Perhaps answer that with your human hat on? It is the reason that many, ourselves included at times, hesitate to make last cuts or have to make the same cut multiple times. Talk to the challenges because that part is real too.
"The biggest challenge for me goes back to the sperm and the egg, and it goes back to that very, very human need for this [touches my arm]. I want intimacy. I want connection. I want bond. I want the skin on skin, deep connection with another. I want it with my partner, my lover, my friend, my family, my clients, with the people I am here to serve. It is what I want for everybody, because that is where we came from. It is how we got here. The fear that comes up inside of me is “Am I going to have that? If I stay on path and deeply, deeply connected to myself, rooted and grounded, and if I don’t go off course and if I live without rose colored glasses on, in alignment with the truth, am I going to have that?” For me, what I recognize for myself is that my weak link is especially in intimate love relationship. I will just slightly tone it down, so that I can have that companionship, that intimacy, that partnership and that is my leading edge in my life. That is the fear that I have to deal with, but out of fear comes the gift of courage. The root of courage is couer, which means heart. In my heart, I know that that is my destiny, but I have to be the one who holds the sacred space for my own destiny; by saying, only the one who is actually going to meet me there with their 100%. So that is the hardest part is the trust, the deep, deep trust and faith, in my own capacity to hold that sacred space for myself and my life, and the deep, deep trust and faith that in the same way that amazing miracle happened, that I was the sperm that said, “I am the one,” and the egg that said, “Only the best,” I will be met with that over and over again if I stay committed to it and keep clearing and cleansing the doubts and the fears inside of myself that say I have to settle for something less than that. That is a fine line. It’s the razor’s edge. That’s the last cut for me. The last cut is the first cut and it is every single day. This field that I came from, that I was conceived in, that I was cultivated in, that I was born in, that I have dipped in and out of, that is my true nature, that is the realm where I truly exist, I have been living there more than ever lately.
I feel as if I have come to a massive tipping point, where the sacrifice of letting go of the things that do not meet me in the field is becoming easier and easier because I am so deeply devoted to staying here in this field of truth. That is what I am here to support everyone in doing. Everyone has that realm where they know that they are living in alignment with who they are and why they are here. The core of that tipping point for me is the self-love and the self-care. It is a snowball effect. The more that I love myself and the more that I take care of myself, the more courage it gives me to let go of the things that don’t match that energetic. So going back to one of your first questions about being practical, the more that I eat high vibe food, exercise, spend time in nature, clear the heavier energies, do my breath work, spend time in meditation, get good relaxation and sleep, and purify toxins and impurities from my body, mind and heart, the more that I create that field for myself on a daily basis, where I can tangibly feel it in my cells, it feels so good. Then, when I am in the presence of people, places and things that don’t match that energy, lately what has been happening is that I just stay here rather than going out of alignment and leaving the field. That takes a tremendous amount of willpower, but the great thing is that willpower is given by doing those things. The empowerment, the groundedness, the nourishment, the creativity, the spark, the inspiration, the insight and the clarity- they all come from there.
Lately all of my sessions with people, all of them, have all in some way shape or form have come back to “love yourself and take care of yourself,” because out of that place, clarity comes. All the inspiration comes. I remember, and will speak about you and your process, but after you made some of your massive last cuts in your life, that was my main support for you was to help you strengthen your root and return to your self-love and your self-care. When we have made these last cuts and when we have let go of things that are not in integrity, we all have this tendency to want to quickly fill up the void created. All these people, places and things that were filling up the space are no longer there and there is all this empty space. During that time, it is like the winter of our lives and, in winter, what nature does is it goes back and does root work. One of my favorite sayings by Lao Tzu is “Do you have the patience to wait until the mud settles and the water is clear and right action arises by itself?” I remember many times that you said, “I want to be doing something!” but you had to tend to the root system and fight that tendency to build and fill it up with a person, a place, a thing and just make sure that your root system was locked and loaded and healthy and deep. Then, Last Cut popped by itself. You have to till the soil so that the star seeds of inspiration have a place to land. So we all have amazing spiritual guidance. We all have our muse. We all have the magic. We all have our spirit guides. There is a constant influx of inspiration and super high vibration mojo coming towards us but if it doesn’t have the tilled soil to land in, we will not be able to receive it. So that is the other part that is challenging. The patience. Do you have the patience to stand still and chop wood and carry water and do what needs to be done on a daily basis?"
It is how we show ourselves our own worthiness. If you don’t do those things for yourself, you are making a statement that you don’t think you are worthy of the most basic things. We have to show up for ourselves and show that we are worthy on a basic level. That feeds on a much bigger level the readiness to receive, whether it is a partner, a project, a child, a great meal. If you aren’t clear on who you are and what you need to feed yourself and love yourself and feel you are worthy on the most basic level, there is no way that you are able to receive anything else.
"The ability to stay in that holding pattern until you are clear sets the stage for the right thing to come at the right time. I have never been more at peace with being who I truly am and it is so rewarding to stay connected to the root of my truest, deepest and highest Self so that I know in the core of my being that I can trust myself to make super wise, loving and aligned choices in my relationships with all people, places and things.
Even with all the self-love and self-care, we are hardwired to give and to receive. We need to receive that love and that care from another and we need to feel as if we are seen, that someone gets us and understands us and wants to take care of us and nurture and make sure we are ok and that they care enough to find out what that is. What is care for you? What is nurturing for you? What is love for you? And, then, we do the same for the other. That is the miracle that happens with the 100%. “I am the one.” “Only the best.” When two human beings come together with their 100%, you exponentially expand the give and the receive and the gifts that are received. It is a wild dynamic that we have to give ourselves what we most want to receive in order to receive it from another. I am in awe. I am constantly in awe of how my external world radically transforms when I give myself that exemplary level of love and care. That is another amazing part of the dance. When we give ourselves what we need, the world gives it back to us."
What do you wish you had known or not forgotten or been supported in being you?
"Well, I feel incredibly blessed because I had two parents and other adults around me who saw who I am and acknowledged it and deeply wanted me to stay connected to that. The main thing though that I wish had been imprinted on me would be the connection between knowing who I am and why I am here and then caring for that on a baseline level. This is what happens a lot with the self-love and self-care thing. You eat healthy food, because you are going to be healthy. You move your body, because you are going to be in shape. You get rest so that you are energized and you are not sleepy. What I have done with my lifestyle program and wish had been taught to me is [highlight how] self-love and self-care impacts how you show up in the world, and how this is in direct relationship to your mission and purpose in the world. There was a disconnect for me. I feel as if I was taught the important of self-love and self-care, but I didn’t understand that that self-love and self-care was the foundation of who I am and why I am here and the gifts that I have come to give the world. What happened to me a lot as a child was that those things all seemed separate in and of themselves.
That is why now I am so devoted to taking my lifestyle program and turning it into something for kids. I want to help children to understand that we love them and we support them and want them to manifest their dreams and fulfill their missions. Eating food that makes you feel good and taking time in nature, going to bed at a certain time and hanging out with people that love and support you are all in support of their dreams. Everyone has a nine-year old inside. You are the one that can make your dream come true. Give yourself the best that you can possibly give yourself so that you know in your heart of hearts that you can make your own dreams come true. It is about empowering children to take responsibility for their own life and for their own desires. What is important to you and what do you need to do behind the scenes to make it happen? I always use the metaphor of the iceberg. 10% of the iceberg is above the water. That is what you see. Then the 90% is what’s underneath, which is the way that you are thinking, the way that you are treating yourself, the way that you are visioning. That is why I really want to empower children and people on the planet to get into the driver’s seat. Be the captain of your own ship. Be the one. Do your best. Give yourself the best. Treat yourself the best. Be your own best friend. Be your lover. Be your teacher. Then watch how it all pops in the 10% above the surface."