January 14, 2016 (2/3)
I was able to get an appointment with my surgeon a few days later [endless gratitude for the fact I have and can pay for health insurance]. In the meantime I had read some frightening research and was sitting in the midst of a huge storm of feelings, fears and hopes. I was asking questions that were most likely going to lead to another big surgery, one that will leave me with little, if any, breasts. A surgery that will test the renewed bond I have with my daughter. A surgery that will test so much of the emotional, spiritual and physical work I have done to re-orient my self-identity as a healthy, strong individual after twenty years of multiple health diagnoses. Yet, most importantly, I was considering a decision that will leave me on the other side knowing that I have done everything I can do to live with complete love for and truth within myself. It became clear that why I wanted to ask my surgeon to take my implants out was for consistency, not fear and not as a bigger campaign. I know what is right for my body. It is what I teach my daughter. It is how I want to live. No stone left unturned on this voyage of learning to determine and live what is right for me.