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May 2, 2018

May 2, 2018

I drove out to Death Valley on Monday to spend 24 hours in the desert. I craved a reboot- a moment to brace myself in the middle of so much change. This is change I craved, yet even desired change can be disruptive. As I ready to leave the community that has held me for 11 years and step back into the one that raised me, I am faced with so many emotions. How to feel all of them (good, sad, bittersweet) while holding the overall excitement for the move? Two years ago, soon after my explant, I wrote, “Even when these last cuts are profound moments of arrival, clarity and knowing, they still call for a period of transition and integration. Would the world (or would I) doubt my decisiveness if I outwardly shared the less than positive and optimistic along the way?” I often skirt away from acknowledging my fears and sadnesses, as if they somehow undermine my resolve, when these feelings are the true shepherds to the next place. Being with all the emotions along the way allows presence and readiness for what is next. In perfect fashion, the RV park where I stay in Death Valley was in a moment of transition too. They were moving into the (hotter, slower) summer season. There were simultaneously shifts and still, motion and presence. The gamut can (and does) exist within us all, and the desert reminds us that there is so much beauty in a stripped down, honest state. #lastcutproject

May 7, 2018

May 7, 2018

May 1, 2018

May 1, 2018